Navigating Well-Intentioned but Intrusive Advice: Why New Parents Need to Find Their Own Way

Becoming a new parent is a life-changing experience — one that’s often filled with joy, excitement, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility. In the midst of this transition, new parents often find themselves on the receiving end of a constant stream of advice from well-meaning family members, friends, and even strangers. Whether it’s about breastfeeding, sleep training, or parenting styles, the advice often flows freely. While the intentions are almost always good, it can become exhausting, confusing, and sometimes even frustrating for new parents who are simply trying to figure out their own path.

The Pressure of Well-Intentioned Advice

When a new baby enters the picture, everyone from grandparents to aunts, siblings, and close friends has an opinion on what’s best. Many of these pieces of advice come from a place of love and experience, but that doesn’t always make them helpful. In fact, it can be overwhelming. Parents might find themselves juggling multiple perspectives on how to handle everything from nap schedules to how often to bathe the baby, and it can feel like the pressure to follow the “right” path is unrelenting.

The advice might come from a grandparent who raised children years ago and believes that the methods they used then are the only “right” way to do things. Or it could be a close friend who swears by a particular parenting method they read about in a book. These well-intentioned suggestions often come with an unspoken expectation — that the new parents should follow them to ensure their child’s well-being and success. But what’s often overlooked is that each family is unique, and what works for one may not necessarily work for another.

When someone hires a postpartum doula, parents often get advice from them as well. The difference between that advice and the suggestions from close family or friends is that the postpartum doula doesn’t get their feelings hurt if the advice isn’t heeded. Grandparents and other close family members often take it personally if their suggestion or guidance isn’t adopted into the new parent’s way of doing things. Hired advice doesn’t come with the same pressure as familial advice.

Finding Their Own Way

The truth is that parenting doesn’t come with a one-size-fits-all manual. Every baby is different, and every parent has their own instincts, preferences, and values that shape how they approach the world of parenthood. New parents need time and space to figure out what works best for them and their baby, without the pressure of adhering to someone else’s ideas of what’s right.

In those early weeks and months, new parents are in survival mode. They’re navigating sleepless nights, learning their baby’s cues, and adjusting to a completely new lifestyle. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the weight of this new responsibility. However, it’s also a crucial time for parents to trust their own instincts and figure out how they want to raise their child. The advice from family members and friends might be tempting to follow, but the pressure to do things “the right way” can sometimes detract from a parent’s ability to bond with their child and develop their own approach.

The Danger of Comparison

One of the most insidious effects of unsolicited advice is that it often leads to comparisons. A new parent might hear a grandparent’s suggestions on sleep training and start to second-guess their own choices. Maybe their baby isn’t sleeping through the night as quickly as their aunt’s baby did, or maybe their breastfeeding journey isn’t as smooth as their friend’s. This constant comparison can breed doubt and self-criticism, making parents feel as though they’re failing or doing something wrong, even though they may be doing their best.

It’s important for new parents to recognize that every baby is different, and every family’s dynamic is unique. Just because one family swears by a specific routine doesn’t mean it’s the best fit for another. Parenting is about discovering what works for your family, building a routine that feels right for you, and being kind to yourself when things don’t go according to plan.

Setting Boundaries with Well-Meaning Loved Ones

So how can new parents handle the constant stream of advice while still maintaining their sanity? The key lies in setting boundaries. It’s perfectly okay to acknowledge that you appreciate the advice but prefer to figure things out on your own. Parents can gently remind family and friends that they are grateful for the support but need space to find their own rhythm. The advice will keep coming, but it’s important to stay grounded and confident in the belief that they are the ones who know their baby best.

This doesn’t mean rejecting help or refusing to listen to others. There’s a difference between accepting advice and feeling pressured to take it. New parents can invite suggestions in a way that still allows them to make the final decisions that feel best for their family. It’s important to recognize that you can ask for help when needed, but also give yourself permission to make your own decisions without feeling obligated to conform to someone else’s experience.

The Bottom Line: It’s Your Journey

Parenthood is a personal journey, one that’s filled with trial and error, joy and tears, victories and challenges. The best way for new parents to navigate this journey is by trusting their instincts and developing their own parenting style. The advice from others, while well-meaning, shouldn’t override the ability to find what works best for your family.

In the end, it’s not about following a strict set of rules or doing things exactly the way someone else did. It’s about creating a loving and supportive environment for your baby and learning as you go. So, take a deep breath, tune out the noise, and give yourself permission to trust your gut. After all, this is your baby, and they were given you as their parent. You are enough!

Written by Ciarra Morgan